on standby...

Currently in (mental) construction. Thanks for your patience!

it's still me

I wrote this post on my old Xanga site in September of 2007. Look how far I've come (note: sarcasm implied)

(in bold: how I currently feel)

"A Worldly Me

I want a nice house. [Still want this.]
I want a walk-in closet. [The SATC movie didn't make it any better.]
I want to live in the best places in the world. [What did I mean by "best" places? Oh, I must've meant Paris. Wait, I still want to live there...]
I want comfy furniture. [Crate & Barrel. That's all I have to say.]
I want a big, flashy diamond ring. [Hahaha... oh how modest I am.]
I want a huge backyard. [For my dogs!]
I want a laptop. [Bought one. check.]
I want to buy as many dresses as I want. [I still buy so many dresses. I'm getting embarassed.]
I want the latest trends. [I feel so outdated this summer. Bad.]
I want a new haircut. [Just got one this past Saturday.]
I want a nice car. [I've always lusted after the Prius.]
I want a pedicure every week. [Got one on Monday.]
I want to make lots of money. [Still after it. I try to justify it, saying that I'm getting more "realistic" now and we need money.]
I want to travel everywhere. [Still doing it and planning on doing it.]
I want to give back to my family. [Haven't been doing enough of this.]
I want to eat at nice restaurants. [I eat EVERYWHERE. I'm such a pig.]
I want to give my future kids everything that they want and need. [Probably the only pure, selfless intention I have.]
I want nice everything. [Wow.]
I want my name known. [Yea... my goal to work for the UN.. I'm sure this is in there a little bit.]

I want to be on top of the world. [...]


I am certain I will not have all this, but will willingly and happily overlook for the sake of my God who wills for me to be an obedient and extraordinary daughter.

It's only getting better, friends!!"

---

Obviously I'm not any different. I read this and I judge my past self as naive.Surely I must've wrote this with some desire to want to change things. But this shows... I still desire these things, and I still struggle. It only shows that no matter how much I myself will for changes, only God can change me. Inside out.

Change my heart, oh God!

walk two feet, save the world

Note to the inhabitants of this finite place we call Earth:
Just because the Yogurtland spoon says "biodegradable" on the back of it DOES NOT MEAN YOU SHOULD THROW IT ONTO THE SIDEWALK and NOT into a trashcan."

I apologize for my angry rant. I just had to get it out there.

healing

I thought I was ready, but I have a long way to go.

the game has changed

Currently:

• Bracing myself for an especially tough week ahead
  
• Researching D.O. schools (and med schools also)
  
• Set on finishing up my MCAT classes 'til the end of summer
  
• About 95% sure on rescheduling my test in August. Tentatively planning to take it in Baltimore in Jan.
  

This summer will be to:

• devote myself in ministering to my family, David, and friends in LA
• remind myself of the Lord's strength & unwavering faithfulness
  
• "regroup", and tend to my humbled, tired heart for some much needed grieving & healing time.
• prepare my heart, spirit & energy for Hopkins

Friends, thank you for all your thoughtful phone calls, emails, prayers, and text messages. Truly, I am grateful for your outpouring of love and support (and patience!). Thank you for giving me some time - please don't get offended if I don't contact you back quite yet. Know that I am thinking of you, praying for all of you, and excited to write you/talk to you soon.